[Week 23] The Verse Before “Love Your Neighbor” (Matthew 18:15)

This week, we are memorizing Matthew 18:15.

• Check out my latest Scripture Memorization song here: Matthew 18:15
• If you're new here, see my introduction to this series here.

"If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother." — Matthew 18:15 (CSB)

You've Heard This Before

I'll start this by being completely honest. For a long time, I read Matthew 18 and thought it sounded great for someone else to follow. A pastor, maybe. A small group leader. Someone whose role involved those kinds of conversations. Or maybe it was just something that made sense in that culture but doesn't quite translate to ours, something we can't really know how to walk out well in our own context and relationships.

Beyond that, it just sounded like practical advice: tell people when they offend you.

I didn't think much more about it than that.

But then a good friend of mine connected this verse to something in Leviticus 19, and everything changed. Not just how I understood the verse, but how I treat the people around me.

Because here's what I started to see. When someone does something that hurts you and you stay silent, that offense doesn't stay a "thing they did." Over time, it quietly becomes a "part of who they are" in your mind. They become the kind of person who does that. The bitterness takes root, and now you're not just carrying a memory of something that happened. You're carrying a judgment about who someone is.

But when you go to them, when you give them the occasion to understand what they did and how it affected you, it stays what it actually was: a thing they did once. The relationship moves forward. The root never takes hold.

What I found when I traced Jesus' words back to their source in the Torah surprised me. This verse isn't about managing conflict. It's about how we protect love and how we actually love each other. And over the past few weeks, as we've been studying what it really means to love, I believe this might be the most practical and overlooked piece of the whole picture.

Let me show you what I mean.

The Command Nobody Quotes

Everyone knows Leviticus 19:18. "Love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus called it the second greatest commandment (Matthew 22:39). It's on posters, on coffee mugs, it's everywhere.

But almost nobody studies the verse right before it. Leviticus 19:17.

"Do not harbor hatred against your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor directly, and you will not incur guilt because of him. Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD." — Leviticus 19:17-18 (CSB)

Look at the structure of these two verses together. Verse 17 starts with what's happening inside you: "do not harbor hatred against your brother in your heart." We discussed this 2 weeks ago, in Hebrew, your heart isn't a deep-seated emotion, it's what you think. Then comes the command: "Rebuke your neighbor directly," and "Do not take revenge or bear a grudge." And then verse 18 lands: "but love your neighbor as yourself."

Do you see the order? Don't let hatred fester. Reprove directly. Don't hold a grudge or take revenge. Love your neighbor. Notice that there isn't a third path here. It's either hold a grudge and take revenge or love your neighbor as yourself. Reproof is the bridge that moves us from hidden hatred to genuine love. It's not the opposite of love. It is the act of love.

The Hebrew here is striking. The phrase here is ho-khiach to-khiach (הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ), a doubled imperative. In Hebrew, the same word repeated twice means it is of utmost importance, but as a command, this is how Torah marks something as non-negotiable.¹ It doesn't say "you might consider reproving." It says "you shall surely reprove." This is a non-negotiable command given by God. The next line seals it and why he can give it: "I am the LORD."

But here is the part that should really make us think: It said to surely rebuke your neighbor so that "you will not incur guilt because of him." What that guilt clause means is that, if you stay silent, if you see your brother doing something wrong and say nothing, you bear guilt as if you've done it yourself. In God's economy, silence is not keeping the peace. Silence is how hatred grows in the heart and turns towards revenge and silence is complicity.

The Word Jesus Chose

Now, here's where it gets fascinating.

When the Hebrew Scriptures were translated into Greek centuries before Jesus, the translators needed a Greek word for ho-khiach to-khiach, "surely reproving". The translation they produced, called the Septuagint, used the verb ἐλέγχω (elegchō).²

Now look at Matthew 18:15 in the Greek. When Jesus says "go tell him his fault," the word translated "tell him his fault" is ἔλεγξον (elegxon), the imperative form of that exact same verb, elegchō.

Jesus is applying Leviticus 19:17 and his audience would have heard it!

And elegchō reveals more about what "surely rebuke" and "tell him his fault" means. It's not venting. It's not scolding. It's not unloading your frustration. The word means "to bring to light with compelling evidence, to convict so as to bring acknowledgment."³ This is careful, evidence-based truth-telling. It's the kind of conversation where you come with specifics, not emotions.

Here's what really got me. The same verb describes the Holy Spirit's work in John 16:8: "He will convict the world concerning sin." The reproof God calls us to in Leviticus 19:17, the same reproof Jesus reinforces in Matthew 18:15, mirrors something the Spirit himself does: loving, kind, gracious conviction that leads to repentance.

And, I want you to understand this as well, this wasn't just a text on a scroll that nobody followed. First-century Jewish communities built real, formal procedures on these same Torah texts. The Qumran Community Rule, written before Jesus was born, instructs members to "rebuke him on the very same day lest he incur guilt because of him," a near-verbatim echo of Leviticus 19:17. The process then escalated to witnesses and then the full congregation (note this wasn't a church congregation, but the whole community), just like Matthew 18:16–17. Archaeologists have even found a written record listing named community members who were rebuked for specific infractions!⁴

So Jesus wasn't inventing a new process or giving us lofty goals. He was clarifying how something God established long ago actually works when it is walked out faithfully.

The Goal Jesus Names

So if this is an ancient command that was already being practiced, what does Jesus add? What does he clarify and how does he reframe it for us?

Look at how Matthew 18:15 ends: "If he listens to you, you have won your brother."

That word "won" is kerdainō (κερδαίνω) in the Greek, and it's a merchant's word. It's the same word used in the parable of the talents when the servant "gained" five more (Matthew 25:17). It's the word Paul uses when he talks about "winning" people to faith (1 Corinthians 9:19–22). It's a profit word.

In ordinary disputes, the prize is money or being proven right. Jesus redefines the profit entirely. The only gain worth pursuing is the person restored.

This is why the parable of the lost sheep sits directly before this passage (Matthew 18:12–14). The reproof process is the search party. You're not prosecuting your brother. You're going after the one who strayed.

And here's something worth knowing: the oldest and most respected manuscripts of Matthew 18:15, including Codex Sinaiticus and Codex Vaticanus, actually omit the phrase "against you." The CSB footnotes mark this variant.⁵ Without "against you," the verse broadens. It's not primarily about a personal grievance. It's about any brother who has sinned, who is in spiritual danger. The reproof isn't about your hurt feelings. It's about your brother's well-being.

The structure of the entire chapter confirms this trajectory. The lost sheep (Matthew 18:12–14) reveals the heart behind the process. The reproof passage (18:15–17) gives the method. And Peter's question about forgiveness, followed by the parable of the unforgiving servant (18:21–35), shows the outcome. Every section of Matthew 18 bends toward not losing the one.

What's at Stake

Hebrews 12:15 names what happens when we don't follow God's way:

"See to it that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many." — Hebrews 12:15 (CSB)

Notice: it doesn't just defile you. It defiles many. Bitterness in a community spreads. It moves from person to person, conversation to conversation, until the whole fellowship is affected.

Leviticus 19:17 was God's prescription for preventing exactly this. Direct, private, loving reproof pulls the root before it takes hold. That's what the command was designed to do.

Now, this does not mean every time your feelings are hurt you initiate this process. The verb elegchō requires evidence of genuine wrongdoing, not a subjective emotional response. And the process presumes privacy, "between you and him alone," because the goal is restoration, not exposure.

But when a brother or sister has genuinely done something wrong, staying silent is not grace. Staying silent is how you incur guilt. It's how hatred grows in the heart. It's how bitterness takes root and defiles the community.

What This Looks Like

So what does loving reproof actually look like when you sit down to do it? Here are some practical tips that aren't mine, they are from a mentor of mine who created a framework for a work setting and I've adapted them here for the personal use-case.

First, you must write it down. Before you go to your brother or sister, put on paper what happened, when it happened, and what the effect has been on you. This isn't about scripting a speech. It's about doing the elegcho work before you walk in the room. If you can't state the problem in a sentence or two, you're not ready for the conversation. Without that clarity, you'll chase rabbit trails. The conversation will drift into emotions and side issues, and you'll end up saying things you didn't intend to say. Writing it down keeps you anchored to what actually happened.

Address it close to when it happened. The Qumran Community Rule, built on the same Leviticus 19:17 command, instructs members to "rebuke him on the very same day." There's wisdom in that. The longer you wait, the more the root grows. What started as a specific incident becomes a general resentment, and by the time you finally speak up, you're not addressing one thing anymore. You're unloading months of accumulated frustration. That's not reproof. That's an ambush.

And if you've already let it go longer than you should have, own that. "I should have brought this up sooner, and I'm sorry I didn't." That one sentence can change the entire posture of the conversation. It says: I'm not coming from a place of moral superiority. I have my own failing here, and it's that I stayed silent when I should have spoken.

Before you go, know what outcome you're hoping for. Are you hoping to learn something you might be missing? Are you looking to exchange perspectives, where both sides need to be heard? Or do you need them to understand that something genuinely has to change? Be honest with yourself about this, because it shapes everything about how the conversation unfolds. And remember what Jesus said the goal is: kerdaino, winning your brother. Not winning the argument. Not being proven right. The person restored.

When you sit down with them, let them know you are on their side. You're not there to stand over them. You're the search party, not the prosecution. And speak to what you've personally observed, not what you've heard from others. "I noticed this" is reproof. "People are starting to talk" is gossip dressed up as concern. Bring your own evidence, your own experience, your own account of what happened and how it affected you or your family. That's elegcho in action, bringing to light what you actually know.

And then ask. "What are your thoughts?" "Am I seeing this correctly?" This is not optional. Biblical reproof is a conversation, not a verdict. You may be wrong or misunderstanding. You may be missing context. You may be the one who needs to hear something. The goal is restoration, and restoration requires listening, not just speaking.

One more thing, and this might be the most counter-cultural part of the whole process. After the conversation, tell them: "If you walk away from this feeling like it was one-sided or unloving, please come back and tell me." That invitation puts accountability on you, the one doing the reproving. It says: I'm not above correction either. And it keeps the door open for the relationship to grow stronger on the other side, which was the whole point from the beginning.

To help you prepare for that conversation, I've put together a free companion guide called "Before You Go" that walks you through this process step by step, with space to write down what happened, clarify your posture, and plan the conversation before you have it. You can download it here.

This Is His Way

God established this in his Torah. Before there was a church, before there were elders or deacons or small groups, God told his people: do not let hatred grow in your heart. Reprove your neighbor directly. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Centuries later, Jesus stood in front of his disciples and clarified how that command works in his community. He used the same word God gave Moses. He pointed to the same text. And he named the goal: win your brother.

Now it's here for us.

When you write it down, when you sit on their side, when you go to your brother privately with evidence and love and a genuine desire to see them restored, you're not just following a process. You're walking in the way God prescribed and Jesus modeled. You're doing what the Spirit himself does, bringing truth to light so that repentance and restoration can follow.

I won't pretend this this isn't difficult. It costs something to go. It costs something to hear.

But God didn't give this as a suggestion. His doubled imperative says so. His guilt clause says so. This is his way, given to his people, for the health of his community and the restoration of the ones he loves.

Go after the one. Win your brother. Pull the root before it grows.

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References

Photo by Chad Peltola on Unsplash